9 tips

9 tips on Dirty Talking

2012-01-06T00:00:00.000+05:30

Talking dirty to the one you love (or even just the one you’re with) is one of those sexual behaviors people are uncomfortable with the first time they do it, and the first time they do it with a new partner. To do it well means letting loose and exposing yourself, which always feels scary the first time. Here are 9 tips to getting comfortable with dirty talk, and ideas for introducing into your sex play.

1. Be authentic in your dirty talk.
Dirty talk can feel silly if you expect it to be what you’ve seen in the movies. You might have this idea that dirty talk is something specific. But good dirty talk is completely what you make it, and to do it well, you have to be yourself. While you may take on a role in your dirty talk (e.g. the ravished submissive) you need to find something of yourself in the role. Make a list of different aspects of your personality you can draw on for inspiration.

2. Find your dirty talk voice.
You need to find your own way of talking dirty. Your dirty talk might be low rhythmic grunts, high pitched squeals, or precise whispers. It might reflect the way you talk in your daily life, or it might express a different aspect of your personality. You don’t need to pick only one voice, the element of surprise can add an extra sense of anticipation, when your partner doesn’t know what they’re going to get an earful of next!

3. Expand your dirty talk vocabulary.
Most of us are raised not to swear. Dirty talk is your opportunity to pull out all the stops on the foul mouth express. Unless you’re role playing calls for it, avoid clinical terms (like penis). If you’re at a loss, do some research. Both of the books recommended below have lists of words. But you can do research online, by reading some raunchy erotica, or in some cases watching porn (although the dirty talk in porn tends to be unimaginative).

4. Practice dirty talk when you're alone.
Carol Queen, author of the highly recommended Exhibitionism for the Shy , suggests starting on your own, talking dirty while you masturbate. Fantasize about having sex with your partner and talking dirty to them. You can start by doing it in your head, but eventually do it out loud.

5. Establish ground rules with your partner.
One of the reasons many of us don’t talk dirty is fear of sounding ridiculous, or being put down or rejected by a partner. It’s important to set some rules when you’re willing to take risks like this. Rules like no laughing at one another, and no judgment are important. In the heat of the moment anything can come out of your mouth, and you need to know that your partner is respectful of the ways that can be exposing.

6. Start slow the first time.
Don’t feel you have to rush right into elaborate verbal gymnastics. A great way to start with dirty talk is to describe out loud what is happening during sex. Things like “I love the way your hand feels in my….” Or “Your …feels so good on/in my…” Describe what’s happening and how it feels in your body. You can also experiment by telling your partner something you’re going to do to them, or something you want them to do to you.

7. Experiment with your voice.
Most of us take for granted all the different things we can do with our voice, and the impact these changes have. Experiment with speed, how fast you talk. Some things call for a staccato barrage, while some things are best said slowly. Change the volume of your voice, try whispering, try screaming, try everything in the middle. Also play with the tenor of your voice. You can sound commanding and harsh, trembling and uncertain, and everywhere in between.

8. Make dirty talking a two way conversation.
Once you’ve taken the risk and initiated talking dirty with your partner, ask them to do the same. It isn’t for everyone, and you might find that you like doing it more than hearing it (or vice versa). But being on the receiving and the giving end of dirty talk can give you a different perspective on it, plus you may learn a few things from your partner you didn’t already know.

9 tips for magical wedding night

2012-01-05T00:00:00.000+05:30

1. Take things slowly
Savor this moment. While you may be a little too tired to have the most technically excellent sex of your lives, this is likely to be among your most romantic and intimate sexual experiences.

2. Lower your expectations
So this may not be the most amazing sex you've ever had. So what? Try to just enjoy whatever happens.

3. Talk to each other
Spend some time relaxing, talking about the wedding, and about your love for each other. Let things get romantic and sappy. The sex that follows will be intimate and amazing.

4. Expand your idea of the "wedding night"
If you're too tired for foreplay, that sex isn't going to be so great. Couldn't it be better to wait until the morning?

5. Flirt with each other during the wedding
It can be easy to spend the whole wedding greeting Aunt Sally and Cousin Bob, cutting the cake, and attending to a thousand other details. Don't forget to stop, stare into each other's eyes, share a few extra kisses, and flirt with each other. It will also help build the excitement for your alone time later.

6. Don't have sex with each other for a couple of weeks before the wedding
Many couples try this to make the wedding night sex fresh and new again. Others go even further by giving up sex months before the wedding so that they may be virgin-like on the wedding night.

7. Try something new
Perhaps there's been something you've been wanting to try? Your wedding night can be a fun night to experiment,

8. Wear something special
Wedding night lingerie can really help the mood. Pick something a little different than what you usually wear to excite your partner. Make sure you feel confident in it, as a confident lover is almost always a better lover.

9. Set the stage
Help yourselves get into the mood by setting the stage. Light some candles, bring some CDs and a radio, scatter rosepetals, or do whatever helps you get in the mood. And don't be afraid to kick friends and family out early. While they may tease you a little, they'll certainly understand!

9 tips to light a room for sex

2012-01-04T00:00:00.000+05:30

Light has a huge impact on mood. Most people have heard about the connection between lack of natural light and depression, but in more subtle and immediate ways, lighting can help cue different moods and it can help us relax and focus our attentions.

1. Every space is different, take the time to experiment.
Invest a little time playing with the light in your room. Each space is going to be different, the furniture that's in the space, how it is positioned, the size and angle of the walls, the height of the ceiling. There are very few absolutes in lighting; it depends on what you're going for.

2. Consider the sexual mood you are trying to set.
Are you going for a frenetic night of animalistic abandon in a club atmosphere? Or a slightly mysterious, titillating French brothel from the 20s? Or a cozy lair, comfortable enough to make even the most uptight let go of their inhibitions? What lights you use, and how you use them will depend on the sexual tone you are trying to set.

3. When you're lighting for sex, dimmers are always good.
Consider installing dimmers on any overhead lights. This isn't hard to do (as long as you have some good safety instructions, and make sure you flip the right breakers), and will make a world of difference.

4. When you're lighting for sex, fluorescent is always bad.
Even the low wattage Ikea ones that are trying not to be offensive – they still are. Many fluorescent lights contain mercury, a toxin you just don't want in your bedroom. Fluorescent lights are not stable - they rapidly flicker on and off, and though it is not necessarily perceptible to the eye, for many it causes headaches and fatigues the eyes. Also, it just doesn't look good.

5. Don't spread light all over the room, light specific points.
It's better to use lots of localized points of light. Grab whatever desk lamps, or reading lights you've got and play around. Point them at the wall, into a plant, or at a painting. Lights that illuminate specific points of focus are great for making a room look beautiful. You can use this technique both to draw attention to parts of the room as well as hide corners that are filled with junk.

6. You don't need to spend a lot on special lights.
Put a light on the floor, aim your desk light at a photo, try turning the TV around to face a white wall for a colorful moving effect. Play with what you've got, and get creative about what you own that lights up.

7. Light your room for sexy bodies.
If you've ever been in a change room with bright overhead fluorescent and close quarters you know how unflattering some lighting can be on our bodies. Consider trying to light from the side – it really helps to highlight the shape of the body – it is the primary way to light professional dancers.

8. Candles set the mood beautifully.
Candles of course are great - if you are like me and prone to falling asleep before extinguishing all fire hazards – use tea lights in a little candle holder – I have red glass ones that throw a really nice flickering glow around the room, paper shades are great to soften incandescent light bulbs. (again, dimmer will go a long way to creating a warm and sultry atmosphere).

9. Create beautiful shadows on your walls.
Experiment with using your lamps to make shadows on the walls. Aim a light at a wall through colored glass and you may get beautiful patterns, but even better, position a light so that the moving shadows of you and your partner are projected larger than life onto the walls around you. Shadow play can be hilarious and very sexy.

9 tips to give handjob to a man

2012-01-03T00:00:00.000+05:30

Giving a great handjob is as much about making a connection with your partner (whether it’s a long term relationship or an anonymous quickie) as it is about a specific technique. Handjobs shouldn’t feel like work, but at the same time the best handjob givers tend to have a certain amount of pride in their craft.

1. Whatever you do, start slowly.
Because every guy is different, knowing the latest move isn’t always going to work. What’s more important is a handjob that brings enthusiasm and adventure…PLUS the ability to start slow and pay attention. As you touch him, pay attention to your pressure, the speed of the stroke and where you’re touching. At the same time, pay attention to what’s going on for him. Is he making happy noises? Is he moving his body? You can also solicit simple feedback during the handjob (“You like?” or “You want more?”), although too much talking or too many questions can get distracting.

2. Handjobs aren’t just about the penis.
It may be the lead actor in the drama, but supporting characters, like the testicles and scrotum, can steal the scene for some guys. These areas, along with the perineum, can be sensitive to touch and pressure, particularly once a many is aroused. You can tickle them, run your nails along them, tap them gently. You can also put your middle finger and forefinger around the top of the scrotum (making sure that you just have skin between your fingers, no actual balls) and then slowly and gently tug down, away from the body.

3. Wetter is better.
Because guys don’t lubricate enough to create any kind of noticeable wetness, adding external personal lubricant is an absolute must for a great handjob. If the lube is only for the handjob and you’re not planning on relying on condoms immediately afterward, oil-based lubricants really are the best as they don’t dry up and can actually add to the experience. Some products (like Stroke 29, Men’s Cream, and Boy Butter) are specially designed for this purpose, but in a pinch any water-based or even silicone-based lube will do.

4. The shape of the hand.
Depending on your range of motion, you can use your hands in all sorts of different ways for stimulation. Try these: Use both your hands, fingers extended and palms opened, to stroke the penis. Put your index finger and pinky finger a bit over your middle and ring finger, making your hand into a cup-like shape. Position your hand lengthwise on the penis and explore how it feels to use the heel of your hand for stimulation. The skin on your hand differs throughout, and you can use this difference to explore alternatives to the simple grip.

5. Using your fingers.
Your fingers can change the feeling of the stimulation and the pressure you apply. Instead of wrapping all your fingers evenly around the shaft of the penis, try using only the thumb and index finger. See what happens when you slowly add more fingers and more pressure. You can also use the tips of your fingers to tap gently along the shaft, on the scrotum and the perineum. Depending on his comfort and interest, you can use your nails (remember some spots can take a lot rougher stimulation than others). When using a lot of individual finger stimulation, be sure that your hands are well lubed.

6. Try different styles of strokes.
The standard up and down stroke can be effective, but it can also get boring and quickly lead to over-stimulation. Experiment with different kinds of strokes. Use a twisting motion while moving up and down, roll the penis between your palms, alternate short strokes at the base of the penis with short strokes at the tip. Start with short strokes and gradually make them longer. Instead of moving up and down, just stroke up and away from the body.

7. The squeeze.
Some guys really like a firm grip around their penis and will love a combination of stroking with gentle, but firm squeezing up and down the shaft. Usually it’s more like pumping your fist (as if milking a cow…sorry I know that’s not very sexy) than it is like a prolonged squeeze required to open the lid off a jar (again, not so sexy, but I’m at a loss for a better visual metaphor). As a general rule, most guys won’t like the feeling of squeezing directly of the testicles, although stimulating the area can be great. This bring us to our next point.

8. Pulling it all together.
It can be fun to experiment with the above ideas, and more on your own. But don’t worry about trying to do several things at once, or even during one handjob. Remember the goal of a handjob is to give pleasure to your partner and the benefit of this method is that you have a lot of room to tune into his pleasure. Some people find that kind of connection to be arousing, others like the feeling of control, some people love it because they know it’s going to come back to them. Whatever your reasons, a good handjob is, in the end, about making that connection and having fun.

9. Learn from a master.
One of the best ways to get a baseline handjob how to is to ask that your partner masturbate for you. If he is shy, you can suggest he wear a blindfold (it may sound kinky, but it really helps). Watch the kinds of strokes he uses, where he is stimulating himself the most, and the pacing he uses from beginning to end.

9 tips to give handjob to a woman

2012-01-02T00:00:00.000+05:30

These days the term handjob is not reserved for something a woman do to a man. It has different meanings today. Giving a best handjob is connecting to your partner in an embraceable manner. It's like softly making a penetration less intercourse. Here are some tips on it.

1. Start Slowly.
As you touch her pay attention to the movement of your fingers, how much pressure you’re applying, the speed of your fingers and where you are touching her. At the same time pay attention to what’s going on for her body and mind. Is she moaning? Is she softly moving her body?

2. Give your breath to her hotspots.
It's not about clitoris only, her thighs and bums are also very sensual. Neck and Breasts are also very sensual in some women. A Feather touch can make any part of her, a sensual and play one.

3. Use hands to feel her layout
The first time you’re touching your partner using your hands and fingers, feel your way around, but take time to really feel her. It’s not just about fumbling your way to the clitoris or vaginal opening. Notice the difference in how the outer labia feel and how the inner labia feel. How does the perineum feel different than the pubic mound? One thing I recommend is to pay attention as if you had to describe what you’re feeling to someone who had never felt it before.

4. Touch in different manner
With fingers, run the length of your finger along the skin. Roll your fingers back and forth. Use fingers for penetration. You can use your fingertips to isolate skin and gently apply pressure to it, squeezing it between two fingers. Use the pads of your fingers to gently, or not so gently, tap rhythmically. Brush your pads or finger tips back and forth across an area to create more intense, vibrator like stimulation. These are just a few ideas, the point is to experiment and find ways of touching that feel good to you and your partner.

5. Move in all directions.
You may be tempted to see female genitals as a vertical space, and as a result all your hand movements maybe be up and down. Don’t fall into that trap. Many women like the feeling of fingers rubbing their clitoris in a side-to-side motion. Others will love a twisty or circular motion. And of course you can play with building up one kind of motion and then switching to the same intensity but in opposite direction.

6. Going in.
Not all women want penetration, but many like it as part of a handjob. As always, start slow and with one finger. You can play with the depth of penetration, the speed, and also the kind of pressure you apply once you’re inside the vagina. Gentle pressure, applied firmly to the front wall can be pleasurable for some women (and may stimulate the G spot).

7. Forget about porn.
In most cases it’s safe to say that the sex you see in porn isn’t a good example to follow, but I would say this is especially true of handjobs for women. Most of the sex in porn simply isn’t real. There is no build up and far too much banging and slapping which, even if you like that (and some women do) you need to build up to. So with very few exceptions, put everything you’ve seen in mainstream pornography out of your mind when your hands head south.

8. Add some vibration.
Vibrators can be a great addition to a handjob, and you should never feel that using one somehow lessens your skill or craft. If you haven’t used one before during a handjob I recommend that you turn it on and put it in her hand so she can show you where she likes vibration, what the speed and pressure of the vibration should be.

9. Learn the right pace.
Keeping a good pace during the handjob is crucial. In most cases you want to start slow (with lots of light touch and teasing), building up to a steady stimulation, and then intensifying to the point of orgasm. Stopping in the middle, starting too fast and rough, or trying to use light stimulation after you’ve been stroking hard for a while, probably won’t work. There’s no formulae for the right pacing, but experiment and pay attention to your partners response (e.g. deeper breaths, more moaning, increased body tension) and let that be your guide.